Self-Forgiveness

I have decided that I want to share some things on our blog that I am going through. It may just be my own way of getting things out, maybe it might open a dialogue between the few readers/followers of the blog, or it just might be interesting to read about what I go through and how I try to work it out. However this may go, it is helpful, to me at least.

I am working on many personal things right now. Without going into exact detail and without putting them all down like a "pity me" list, I will put them all under an umbrella statement: "My Journey to Self-Forgiveness ." I have thought in the past that it is easiest to forgive others such as friends and acquaintances and even family (though forgiving family has been complicated for me at times). Now, I recently discovered, that all others are easiest to forgive and that the most difficult forgiveness is of myself. Many wonderful experiences and people fill my past and memories; yet, with the amazing and joyful moments come hurtful ones, most unintentional, but equally damaging to my sense of who I am in the present moment.

Many may read this and think "how can this be!?! She's amazing and blah, blah, blah." Not to undermine the compliments or the perception others have of me, but, in case it wasn't known, I am human. I carry emotions in my own way; most physically as a result of my non-confrontational, afraid-to-feel-or-cry-in-front-of-anyone persona I have acquired through certain experiences. The truth I have discovered: this is not healthy. At all. I am working on releasing many negative things and I have seen a great improvement mentally, physically and spiritually--greater BALANCE, greater peace and I can turn off my mind and JUST BE. It's in those moments Spirit to spirit conversations occur; I come to know more about my true self, which I plan to discover my whole life.

I have made many positive and very effective changes in my life. I am constantly discovering new ways to take care of my body, my mind and my spirit. These three things, that I believe make up my true self, need a healthy balance just as my time needs a healthy balance. To create a healthier body I started a vegetarian diet several months ago. I physically feel stronger and have learned to control my eating habits in a more effective and positive way. I have also started an exercise regimen; nothing too extensive, mainly I focus on being active at least once a day. I haven't really set many goals for myself other than to GET MOVING. My physical progress has been at my own speed and in my own time (which I know is the Lord's timing for me at this time in my life).

Having a healthier body has opened my mind to new understanding and knowledge (see D&C 89) and I am more aware of inspiration as it enters into my soul. These have become a catalyst for greater growth and confidence.

One hard thing for me to do is to not compare: not to compare myself to anyone around me, anyone at the gym, family members, and especially not to what I once was like. I love my body now and am grateful for what it has accomplished, especially in the past year and I have a beautiful daughter to show for it!

I am being the change I want to see in my world. It starts with me. So, yes I may be selfish about a few things for a while until I find my balance (don't worry I do not neglect the wife and mother aspects of my life).

I am beautiful. I am at peace with myself. I learn more about my true self everyday. I forgive myself everyday. I love myself. I find balance in every moment.

Kristie

Spring/Summer Plans

Since Brook dominates our blog, I thought I would post some things about Josh and I before putting more videos and pictures of our amazing daughter.

Josh is doing well with school as the year is winding down. He has enjoyed doing many things this year, including some new thing such as running the stage crew, teaching debate classes and helping with debate and mock trial, coaching basketball and finishing off his fifth year teaching!! Amazing! He is such an amazing man; of course he is, he puts up with me!!

He has enjoyed his calling and has finally settled into the rigors and time commitment to being the executive secretary in the ward. He loves the Bishop and the bishopric members and has grown so much through his service. I myself am also learning much from his calling such as patience (which runs short sometimes) and love and support of my husband has he fulfills his duties.

I finished the winter semester last month and I have loved being able to spend so much time at home and with Brook! We are finally getting some good weather so Brook and I spend a couple of hours each day outside. It is amazing how amazing I feel when I can spend time out in the beautiful creations of our Lord. I am so grateful for everything that gives me so much joy in my life!

I am working a little more right now at ARUP: 3 hours Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons, all day Fridays and 4 hours or so on Saturday mornings. I am grateful that I have been able to pick up more work since we stopped our cleaning job a month ago. We use to clean office buildings and a a plastic surgery business (we found some interesting things there, let me tell you!). We are grateful for that job and the help it was to us while I was unable to work much at ARUP.

I will return to BYU in the fall to finish off my degree! I have one semester left of classes then I will student teach. I have decided to student teach in both theatre and Spanish and I have already let my supervisors know so they can start planning for that. I will teach mostly theatre classes and have one or two classes of Spanish to teach at the same school. I also am preparing to take the PRAXIS tests for both disciplines. I have a lot of work to do over the summer to best prepare for those and also for my student teaching. I have the set the goal to write several unit and lesson plans so that I can be ahead for when I get my Teacher Work Samples ready (they are like extensive resumes that show my work, amazingness and great talent in order to help me get jobs).

I am going to Alaska 5 weeks from today with my sister Kellie and I am really excited. We will be staying with my cousin, camping and living it up! We have a few more trips lined up for the summer and we are looking forward to spending time together with family and friends.

Now on to the gorgeous Brook. She is such a joy in our life and we are grateful to have her as our daughter. She is starting to show off her attitude and personality through her jabbering and by getting into everything!! She stood up by herself for the first time yesterday using the couch as a help, she tries to crawl on her knees but gets board with it after two crawls so she drops to her quicker army crawl, she waves, she whistles (not on purpose but when she is concentrating she purses her lips and some whistles escape) and she makes us laugh. Her are some photos and videos of our girl!!

Brook playing at the Post's. Such an amazing girl!

She fell asleep on our walk last Saturday. She's starting to fill in her carseat well!

So happy!

The girls!

Beiber Fever

It was the only song I could get her to dance to...

Such a happy baby! She seriously laughs at everything...seriously.

Daddy and Brook

We got home last night from our stake Valentine's Party (and dance) and Josh was playing with Brook. She is a giggle machine now! Always finding things in life to enjoy. She's starting to scoot a little and gets her bum in the air but can't quite figure out crawling yet. She turns circles and rolls over to get to a toy. She's too cute.


Josh's team is doing well. They've lost only one game and when they win this afternoon they'll be sitting pretty for the playoffs. I'm starting my stage manager gig for one of my classes. It's a good deal for me because the play only rehearses 3 times a week and the tech rehearsal, dress rehearsal and run all happen in the same week. This means it will last only 1 month where other people in my class have to be to rehearsals 4 times a week for 2 1/2 months then have a 3 week run. I'm loving school and loving the balance I have to spend time with Brooklyn.

Poetry and beauty

Hello again.

This week I was in a Poetry Slam competition in one of my classes and out of 25 people I was the 1st runner up! (I should have won but the winning poem was about being a single, 23 and "not too old" girl; so with all young, single girl judges that poem won me out by 2 points.) I have never poetry slammed before but I decided to go all out. I wrote all three of my poems and had a blast performing them.

My Friday morning class has been moved to Thursday mornings which is nice; this way I don't go down to school on Fridays and I get to spend three entire days with Brook! She is growing so much: almost crawling and sitting up on her own, gabbering more and smiling so much it's blinding (like, her smile lights up the room...corny but very true:P...no SAD for us with her around).

Josh's middle school team is undefeated so far and will face their rival tomorrow. It is exciting! Also, he had a great birthday week, if I do say so myself. On Monday we went ice skating in the middle of downtown Salt Lake and had a lot of fun. Wednesday we got pizza and watched the BYU vs San Diego game and BYU won just for Josh's b-day. Tonight, we are relaxing at home as a family. Love it!!

Enjoy a couple more videos and pics. The videos are sideways (Josh didn't know that if you hold our camera with the longest side up it films sideways...I love him...)

Josh with his b-day cake...

In honor of Josh's 30th birthday we had a 90s themed party. Josh and I went grunge (I did dark eyeliner even...), my sister Katie (front in t-shirt) wore her shirt that said "Everybody knows hover-boards don't work on water" (Back to the Future 2), Anne and Kellie sported the over-sized golf shirts, Nick wore flannel, and Melissa wore her Super Mario Bros 3 t-shirt. It was so much fun!
More of us!
Brook got into the party too--hippie shirt, hat and all her cuteness!



Brook in her swing. She figured out that she could lift up the lap-thingy with her feet and entertained herself, and Josh, for over 20 minute. She's so smart!


Me sledding with my nephews off my parents front porch, over the stairs, through the covered grass, down the ramp and onto the basketball court. I was out there with them for 45 mins. It was a blast!



Brook in Bath. We took this earlier this month--you'll like our attempt at modesty:). She continues to love bath time and I'm sure it will continue.

January 2011 - School, Discovery, Fun

This new year brought new wonderful things for us. Josh started to teach school again, I started back at school (3 classes--I go to campus every day), and Brook started to roll; to talk more; to play with toys more; she's close to sitting up on her own more; she now grabs at your face when you hold her; she smiles and giggles all the time; she got her first flu but got better quickly; she grabs her feet while she's on her back and puts them in her mouth...in other words, Brook is growing and it's wonderful! While I'm at school Brook spends the day with her aunt Anne and her cousin Luke. She made the transition from being with me all the time to being with Anne part of the time beautifully; me, not so beautifully (the first day of school I dropped her off, got back in my car and cried for about 20 seconds, took a deep breath and said "I can do this, she is safe and happy"...sigh....then off to school!).

Hello gorgeous!


Josh and I decided to give each other gifts for Christmas that did not cost any money; my gift was a morning of snowshoeing. We borrowed the snowshoes from my sister, Katie, and went up Milcreek Canyon to hike. It was so much fun! It was a gorgeous day with fog and beautiful scenery.


It was requested that we put up more pictures and videos of Brooklyn (never mind new pics and vids of us:P she's the cute one).
Brook fell asleep while eating one night holding her bottle.



Brook in her "workout gym". She loves this thing (thanks again to Tracy).

Napping on Josh's pillow before I wake her up
"Heeey!" This cute towel was given to us from a lady that works with Josh.

Love this cute pink dress! I had to take a pic of Brook in it.
Brook decided to do her Marilyn Monroe in "The Seven Year Itch" impersonation. Really she's getting a head start on holding up her dress like all little girls love to do...


This was a few weeks ago...Brook couldn't quite get use to sitting up in this chair.

She did, however, figure out that the chair is soft and nice to chew on (sorry it's blurry).



When Brook had the flu she snored for the first time...poor girl, but so cute!



This was last night (01/21/11) when we were changing her. She talks and tries to eat her foot at the same time!

Rolling Over A New Year

Brook's Christmas present to everyone was rolling over Christmas morning as we opened our presents! She got close on Christmas Eve, but surprised us all the next day.

Today we were all in the living room coaxing her on when she decided to put on a show. Once she figured how to roll over (thanks to some help from her aunt Tracy) she couldn't get enough of it! Or maybe she loved the applause she received each time she did it! Love it!

Not only does this video show Brooklyn, but it also stars Matthew as the "shakin' baby". Enjoy!